15: Toddler Mornings with Carly Huffman, Part 1
In This Episode:
Carly Huffman, mother of 15 month old twins, joins Jessica for a candid conversation about how to have good mornings with toddlers. Carly shares her Sleep Happy Plan experience with infant twins as well as her real life challenges in the morning.
The Big Idea
Mornings with toddlers are hard, but taking care of you and an intention can make them smoother.
Questions I Answer
How to calm morning chaos with toddlers?
How to work on boundaries with toddlers?
What is the value of consistent routines?
Why should I be intentional with my mornings as a parent?
How to love bedtime every night?
How to reflect on what is working to improve an area of parenting that is not working?
Actions to Take
Click the three dots on the right of this episode's graphics to subscribe or follow the show.
Share this podcast with a friend. And be sure to screenshot and tag me on Instagram or send me an email so that I can properly thank you for sharing the show.
Key Moments In The Show
4:24 - How Jessica helped the Hufman’s establish good naps and a good bedtime
12:30 - Current Morning Routine in the Huffman house
20:37 - Utilizing the dinner table for meals
34:02 - Approaching your mornings with intentionality
36:24 - How patterns can lead to confidence
About Our Guest
Carly is a mother to boy/girl toddler twins and while originally from Texas, currently resides in London, England. Carly and her husband work full time and live in the city with their boy/girl twins.
Resources + Links
Listen to Part 2 of this Toddler Mornings episode: https://www.sleephappyconsulting.com/podcast/ep16
Our Season 1 podcast episode for Twin Parents: https://www.sleephappyconsulting.com/podcast/ep12
Our Season 1 podcast episode on a Yes Space: https://www.sleephappyconsulting.com/podcast/ep10
Get started creating the right plan to solve your unique child's sleepless nights in five days or less: https://www.sleephappyconsulting.com/work-with-me
-
Jessica Bryant 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to The Good Mornings podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Bryant. This is episode 15: Toddler Mornings with Carly Huffman.
Jessica Bryant 0:12
In the midst of conflicting messages and societal pressures, my goal is to offer a unique perspective to you. Rather than glorifying busyness and devaluing rest, we should question whether society's priorities are skewed. What if we placed a higher emphasis on sleep within our families? Could it have the power to change the world? Of course, I'm not suggesting that you abandon yourself in all other aspects of your life in favor of your child's napping and bedtime routines. Nor should you sacrifice relationships, travel or fun to ensure your child is always rested. However, I am suggesting that resolving sleep issues can instill greater confidence and freedom in your family and allow you to better appreciate life's joys. All thanks to waking up well rested each morning. I am Jessica Bryant an internationally recognized pediatric sleep strategist, motivational speaker, wife and mother of three, including twins. Like you, I understand the pressures parents feel today and as an expert on sleep, I'm here to help you choose good mornings.
Jessica Bryant 1:50
Can anyone relate to having a morning that feels like it's a toss up or total chaos? I know I can. Whether it's just me by myself or back in the day when I had three little ones, four and under, or if it's in the kitchen in the morning with middle schoolers or teenagers, mornings can be chaotic. And so I was excited when Carly submitted the question for season two of how can I improve my mornings with my toddler twins. And so we're going to discuss that today. We're gonna see what comes out. But I think you're gonna really enjoy the conversation with Carly and and find her a-ha moments interesting. So let's get started and dive right in.
Jessica Bryant 2:40
Welcome today. I'm excited to welcome Carly Huffman to the podcast and I'm excited for our conversation about being the mom of toddler twins. So please, Carly, can you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about yourself and your family and all the things?
Carly Huffman 2:58
Yeah, so I'm happy to be here. I literally think the world of Jessica she is the reason I credit that we sleep and we have 15 month old twins. We have 15 month old twins my husband and I I'm originally from Texas, but we live in London right now. So Jessica was a rock star and worked with us across borders and like with timezone differences and everything. But yeah, we've been here for four years, and we had twins in January 2022. It was a surprise. It wasn't that's always the first question you get when twins do get that Jessica?
Jessica Bryant 3:34
Yeah,
Carly Huffman 3:35
Everyone. Um, so yeah, it was surprised but very exciting. One, we'd gotten a dog two weeks before we found out we were pregnant. So I couldn't figure out I thought maybe I was just I don't know, I wasn't doing great with the dog training. And I thought I just maybe we got to get rid of the dog. And then I found out I was pregnant. And then I've really pictured my kids. So yeah, we have like triplets is what we call them. We've got the dog and the kids. And it's madness. And we live in a different country with like any support system. So, and I work full time my husband works full time. So I work from home, though.
Jessica Bryant 4:10
So you were talking a little bit about how you were introduced to Sleep Happy. And so can you share a little bit about how we work together when your twins were babies and kind of like a little before and after story and then we'll jump in?
Carly Huffman 4:24
Yeah, definitely. So I had to look back at my notes to be honest, because I remember sending you a frantic email when they were like five months old and being like, I gotta use this gift card. And I purposely saved it because I knew about regressions and sleep progressions and everything and kind of knew there wouldn't be like, mature enough for sleep training tool around that time. But I guess to backup full disclosure, we had a night nanny the first three months, so like three or four nights a week, I was getting sleep, and that was amazing. And yeah, it wasn't like I mean, it was breastfeeding. So it wasn't like I was getting like 10 hours of sleep a night but I was getting more sleep than most moms of twins are getting the first three months. And also I had somebody who was helping set some really good habits. At the same time. I was a first time mom. So I was setting some really bad habits like feeding to sleep. And like, they seemed like they wanted to go back to bed in the morning. So I let them go back to bed. So we were all kind of napping, and then our naps were all over the place during the day.
Carly Huffman 5:22
So I called Jessica frantically and we had a one hour call. And within that, like one hour we'd like solved what I saw as being like the like morning chaos because we had no, I had heard people talk about like, Oh, my five month naps at these times, like my five month old is naps three times a day. But I didn't know what the napping was going to look like on any particular day. And like, the twins were like, quote synced, but they might have been off by like 45 minutes with each other, which isn't really synced in twin mom world. So yeah, one hour call and just got it solved. And then I was like, I really want to do the full 30 day like full monty experience. So we had a trip planned like six days later, and asked Jessica should I like wait to start till we get back from our holiday.
Carly Huffman 6:09
One call. And Jessica had figured out like we weren't our wake windows weren't long enough in the morning. And we weren't making it like this morning, like coming out into the couch, I remember was the tip you gave me like, we didn't like leave their room and like make it clear to the morning and excite them. And it worked. And all of a sudden, like things were looking a little bit more normal during that time of day. And so at that same time, we had two kids, and we had no help at night or like during the day because I hadn't come to work yet. And they were waking up like Bo who was our quote good sleeper was waking up like zero to two times a night because he needed his paci replaced. And my daughter was waking up sometime between one and four and needing We thought she needed a bottle. We knew she could go without a bottle. But we figured out if we gave her a bottle, we might get another three hours. And sometimes she was having two bottles a night. So it was not great. And yeah, so we did the full 30 day experience. I asked Jessica like should we do it before we go on vacation? Or should we do it afterwards? And you said, Let's Let's start now and then you can get some sleep for vacation, you can start vacation well rested. And I was like, Yeah, I don't know we're gonna be rested on vacation. Like I thought that was really high expectations for our like, barely six month old twins at that point.
Carly Huffman 7:31
I think the first two nights were the roughest Like, it wasn't even like rough in terms of wake ups throughout the night. It was more rough. Like we were pretty comfortable letting them I think the first time we let them cry for a minute the first time so it wasn't really that exciting. But to us that was like more than ever, like usually we were running back in and replacing pacis and, and the third night my husband had his whole team over and I don't even know if you know this, Jessica, but he has a whole team over for dinner and they were like sitting in our yard at like 730 eating dinner and like having beer. Our kids are just like screaming. Bobby's like alright, well, we got to let it go for like I think it was like 10 Min. I don't know, I can't remember now but and they all like confused younger and they don't have kids and they're all looking at us. Like, this is something we were like, oh my god, like do we give up? Do we? What do we do? And we're like, no, it's working.
Carly Huffman 8:29
And so anyways, flash forward, we go to Italy, like five days into sleep training. And our kids are sleeping 11 hours a night without waking up. And my mom's on vacation with us and she has three other grandchildren and they're older and she's like, I've never seen kids like this. Well, your kids are just amazing sleepers and more like this was not the case like a week ago a week ago. Because we have two kids we had like six wakeups a night and that felt really good.
Jessica Bryant 8:58
Like that felt really good.
Carly Huffman 9:01
Like we're in a good place we only had like four wakeup last night good place like do you can imagine like, I used to think there was two types of people like people who didn't need sleep to function and people who are just better people when they've slept. I'm in the I'm just a better person and now I've decided everyone is that way there's just people who lie to themselves and say but I knew going in to having kids that that was like a big priority for me was that making sure I got the sleep hence the night nanny and hence like hiring you for 30 days but yeah, I mean like I said six days in we'd figured out the night sleeping we have a long journey with the day sleeping because Emma is not a big fan of napping. And Bo like synced right up our son. Yeah, he's synced right up but yeah, Emma we figure it out eventually. And now I think she's has lower daytime sleep like she would sleep 13 hours a night if we allow her to but they're twins so we're keeping them together.
Jessica Bryant 9:04
Yes, I remember you sending me pictures from are you talking about how they were sleeping in the strollers in Italy on your trip? And I was like, you've got to send me proof. That's really good. It's really working, what's the visual here? And then I remember your mom, either texting on the group, or saying something like, "These babies are sleeping so well". And if somebody else had said, I get that question a lot, like, I'm just at this wit's end that I want to sleep so bad, but then I have this looming trip, or this looming big thing. And I always say, if the parents ready, then let's go. But it's amazing. When you show up somewhere, or you travel, especially I'm sorry, with two babies under six months old, and you show up with two adult humans that are physically exhausted, like, that might be dangerous. We might, we might leave a diaper bag somewhere we might
Carly Huffman 11:02
like don't lock the pram and they like, sorry, they don't lock the stroller and all of a sudden it's like really down the cobblestone. It's never happened to us, but Right. That's because we say
Jessica Bryant 11:13
Yes, yes, that was fun to see how well they were doing. And like always those day naps, especially when there's two many variables with getting those synched up. And if you do have twins, I do have a podcast from last season. That kind of highlights a lot of the things that I feel like are hard with twins and a lot of pressures you get from other people. So be sure to I'll put a link to that podcast as well. If you're interested.
Carly Huffman 11:43
It's super helpful. Even if you are like have like older twins. It's very helpful.
Jessica Bryant 11:48
Good. I'm so glad to hear that. So Carly, you sent me a message in response to I was kind of asking like, what should season two look like or what should we talk about? And you sent me a message that said, Jessica, I would love to hear some insight into mornings on season two. And I giggled because I'm like, Well, it does say good mornings. I find our bedtime with the twins is relaxed, calm and fun. Thanks to you. But our mornings are a toss up will tell us about a super duper crazy twin morning.
Carly Huffman 12:21
Oh, man, I'm like rocking through the library. And it can be yesterday
Jessica Bryant 12:25
because it's probably crazy for anyone listening. Just a normal day.
Carly Huffman 12:30
Just a normal day. So they both get up around seven, like sometimes we'll maybe hear stirring it like 650. But like seven is kind of our set time that we go in there. And they don't make a peep until seven, which is the most bizarre thing because like they could be up at 615. But they're just gonna play in their beds. And like, I don't understand the magic that is Jessica. But that's it. Yeah, so like seven we're going sometimes they're not making noises and they're playing with each other, we can see them the monitor and we kind of let them play and have fun. But by like 715 I go in and I have milk in hand. We're not in bottles anymore, because they're quote toddlers, which they're still my babies. But yeah, so we go in with milk, they have some milk we play in their room that is relaxed.
Carly Huffman 13:18
All of a sudden, when we open the door to their room to like go out into the house. And we're on a one like we're on one floor. We're not like it's not like we're in some like big we're 1400 square feet. So like don't picture like, oh, like, they're just gonna have their way like no, we're it's pretty concise here. But it's crazy. They either both want to be held at the same time. And like, want me to carry them in and they're ready for breakfast right that minute. But also like, by the way we need to be held while you're getting sprouts, we're gonna scream, or they want to go in two opposite directions. So that's always fun. So I like I think when I first gave you this idea, we were in the two different directions. And we were kind of like halfway through we baby proof. But we had not toddler proof because we had one Walker and one not Walker and now they're both walking. It's like we are baby proofed where we have like, you know, they can't like for a while they're coming in the kitchen, like everything in the cabinets was coming out onto the kitchen like, so I'd put them down for their nap. And I'd be like, well now I need to reorganize my whole kitchen.
Carly Huffman 14:23
And yes, and so we put the baby gate in there, like our dining room is playroom to city living. And we put up a baby gate and so I can see them kind of from the kitchen while I get their stuff. Sometimes there's screaming, which like, I really hate, but most of the time they've kind of gotten used to it like it maybe took a day or two with the baby there for them to get used to just like playing with their things. The bigger thing is that when it gets too quiet, I'm like, what are they? One day they'd gotten into we've a fireplace in that room because we're like our building was built in like 1900 or 1800 or something. And they had like coal all over themselves. So we had to do. And by the way, charcoal helps expel things from your stomach. So we had a vomit day. I don't even know if that's podcast appropriate. But yeah.
Jessica Bryant 15:14
Nice.
Carly Huffman 15:15
Not a good day. Yeah. So that's kind of it. The other thing is that breakfast like they don't, I feel like breakfast is like a hit or miss meal where like, sometimes they eat breakfast, sometimes they don't like, sometimes it's just throwing it at the dog and like, and this is like, things have gotten better. In terms of the mornings, they've gotten better, but it's just a wild time, I'd say an after breakfast is like the kind of chill again and then ripe for nap, they get crazy again. So yeah, we're just I don't know, if it's the kind of the chaos, that's us. I feel like their emotions are stronger in the morning. Or maybe I'm just like having finished my coffee, I don't know. But it's a wild time. I can elaborate more on anything that like, sounds like it needs to elaborate. I just never quick enough. Never quick enough. Whatever I'm doing, if I'm like, I don't know, getting a bib like it's not quick enough.
Jessica Bryant 16:09
For sure. I think that was just key. And I feel like the difference from with my twins is I got a dry run with a singleton, like you were thrown into the fire with two babies at the same time. And I feel like that 15 to 18 month range was really challenging. With just one, the only saving grace with having two is that they entertain each other in a sense. But we just like you said, like you're never fast enough, I can just still see like, fixing two cups and having two children on my legs, screaming and it wasn't like they hadn't been fed, or hadn't had their bottles in their room like 15 minutes ago, it was you are one person with two hands. And they are two people you know, and they need or they think they deserve. Like, you know, a butler just for them, you know, to get them the food a robot that is immediate, I don't know. And there's no logic at this age. So you can definitely say that I'm working as fast as I can, or I'm getting the milk, but it's, it's not going to mean anything to them. And all you need to do is save that energy to get that you know, to speed up your unrealistic expectations. But it is an age where they're just moving. And they they're so just driven by and then to have it at a time. And it's amazing how they can like team up. You don't even think a 15 month old can figure out things and the next thing you know there's a chair pushed up and there's a stool on top of that. And then one's holding the chair the other ones
Carly Huffman 17:53
and they climb on each other's backs to like, get like we bought a little kiddie table that we're experimenting sitting at and literally Yeah, that was luckily it was this afternoon. It wasn't even the morning. But literally one of them, like gotten a crawling position and the other one used their back to climb onto the table. Like oh my god,
Jessica Bryant 18:13
they're such each other and they were cracking up. They
Carly Huffman 18:16
thought it was like they knew what they were doing was something I don't know if they use the word naughty, but they knew what they were doing was like, This is so funny. And I you know, I'm like, do I take a picture of this or like I have to stop?
Jessica Bryant 18:30
Yes. And I do love those tables, those little tables that are their size. I know they're probably not quite big enough to sit there for meals and be able to sit in the chair correctly. But are they in high chairs at the table for breakfast? Or are they on a bench or
Carly Huffman 18:48
They're in high chair. Because we went to high chairs I bought the like, you know I prior to having twins. I thought I was going to be super Montessori like no so I bought the like stone Trip trap. I don't know if you know that particular it's like there's no straps. They'll just learn to sit in it. They'll have this chair for their life. No, like nine months I was in the store like begging them to sell me some straps. And I got the like girl who worked there telling me like, No, they'll get used to it. I'm like, No, you don't understand it. Like first they're gonna break their neck and then they'll get used to it. But so I bought the straps we were strapped in and it works. So maybe not even nine months they might have been, they might have been like a year old when this happened. But that was definitely part of the frantic morning and couldn't leave the room because they could like stand up in their high chairs and then come in and they'd be like, hello,
Jessica Bryant 19:35
when is it is that the highchair where like they're big enough at that age that they could stand up but they like move it to tip it over? And yeah, so it's
Carly Huffman 19:44
a big, sturdy wooden one, which is like that because I can't really
Jessica Bryant 19:51
Yes, and from my perspective, you know, which is a little different is that you're yes, you're keeping them safe and two is different than One. And also you're just limiting the options, you know, they, if they don't know, they can get out, or they know that they're sitting in their highchair for 10 minutes, you know, or whatever their lunch breakfast snack offering is. And when it's all done, it's all done. And I will say that toddlers are grazers at this age and you know, so I do think it's fine, you know, that sometimes you just have a plate, you know, and they can walk by and get a bite, you know, or you're, you're playing outside, and, you know, and they're having a snack and then playing for a second or they're biting something handing it to you, and they're going off in play.
Jessica Bryant 20:37
But in terms of just the you teaching them that boundary, have we come to the table for a meal, whether it's a three minute meal, you know, or a 30 minute meal based on their age, I still think like having that expectation that we sit here, mom sits here, Dad sits here, brother, and I sit here, you know, and then you just stack on top of it. But when I feel like it's just a free for all, or so you can, you know, climb out, and then you're standing on the chair next to the table, and you're eating, you know, that day, and the next day, you're like, you're thrashing every plate on the table on the floor and demanding that you, you know, eat in the fireplace with the coal, you know, I mean, it's just so to me, even though it's so much like work to like, get them in there and put the stuff there. Like, I think there's value in that consistent routine. And you can decide whether they sit for three minutes, or they sit for, you know, 10 minutes, but it's still your, you've got the consistency of the dinner table and the straps that keep them focused, you know, it's the same thing that I talk about when we're toddlers, and we're in a bed versus the crib, we go from this confined space where we can only do so many things. And just thinking in terms of how comfortable each of your children who are two different personalities are in the morning, they can roll around and explore and, you know, seeing or talk to their lovey or poke, like look at their sibling, those kinds of things and their content, right? Because their, their space is limited. It's simple. And it's the same every morning versus you know, their eyes pop open and they you know, they're in the kitchen five seconds later unloading their refrigerator, you know, at 701 Because you're late mom, because again, you're not fast enough. So I think setting up those things like the straps are and like the dining room as a restricted play area. It gives the child maybe not with the fireplace, but I love the whole like
Carly Huffman 22:54
boarded up now.
Jessica Bryant 22:56
I love that whole Yes, space. They're safe, they're confined. It's simple, and it creates that space for the child to learn at their own pace and have that freedom. Okay, we're gonna pause this episode to take a mid episode break. For those of you listening. You might have heard at the beginning of this episode that Carly mentioned her Sleep Happy plan and how she started that plan. Five days before she was going on a trip with her infant twins and her husband. And she was shocked when getting started with the first few nights of the plan that within five days, her six month old twins were sleeping 11 hours a night. So in case you are wondering what that looks like and how to get a Sleep Happy plan that's right for your child. We're taking a break so you can learn more.
Jessica Bryant 23:54
Want the right plan to solve your child's sleepless nights, so that you find yourself waking up bursting with pride because your child is sleeping well? I know parents can feel like it's all their fault that they can't figure out how to solve their child's sleepless nights. You've read all the books but nothing seems to be working at Sleep Happy. We believe you deserve to have the right plan that works for your child without the frustration of trying something new each night. This Sleep Happy plan has helped hundreds of families over the last seven years solve their sleepless nights so that the whole family can sleep well every night. Hit pause now and scroll down in the episode show notes to find the link to book now so we can get started creating the right plan to solve your unique child's sleepless nights in five days or less. Now back to the show.
Jessica Bryant 24:59
So Carly both For the break, we were talking about your decision to use the straps on the highchair that you are using with the twins and how you felt about that. And then we were talking about those power limiting children and helping them focus on their meal. And, you know, sitting at the table for toddlers can range from a really just a few minutes to, you know, maybe 10 minutes. So let's get back to that conversation. When you have to the same age, you have to go to the bathroom, at some point, like, you have to take a shower, what if you were sick and throwing up, like, you have to, like, set up some boundaries to where, okay, you're, you're in your play space, you can't get out. And you know, I have to go take care of this situation, or when one is potty training, and the other is not in your, you have to think about that day when everything isn't going to be perfect for a 15 month old. And so I'm a fan of securing them to the, to the highchair and you know, setting up child proofing, so that, you know, they can wake up in the morning and they can play in their room, you know, because their room is safe. And it's a yes place. And then when it's time to get up for the day, then, you know, you can open the door and they can follow you to have their cups and have breakfast, you know, those kinds of things. But
Carly Huffman 26:26
no, I love that. I also have to say you are so much smarter than you even probably know, but we do not eat breakfast with them in the morning. And I'm having like an aha moment, as you're talking about, like, Oh, you're right, like, we want to set those boundaries. And that we want them to know that we're in the rhythm of like, we all sit down together and like Bobby's leaves for work before they even get up. So it's like, it's just me and the kids in the morning, which it probably contributes to like the craziness because I'm like, not a morning person, all of a sudden, I'm like, the three of us are gonna stay alive. And I'm gonna be the one who does it. But no, that's I'm having an a-ha moment where I'm like, I kind of gave up for a while I'm eating with him because he just want to go with whatever was on my plate. But I'm like, I need to go back to that. Because that's how I'm doing it. Like, there's a goal in mind is kind of what I took from what you were saying. And that's I want them eventually, like get this is what we do. And that's like, maybe you're not hungry. But we're gonna sit and like you can graze yours. Yeah, I
Jessica Bryant 27:23
think that's a great question. And I but I don't I mean, I think that's a great point to put out is, how do they react, if you do sit down with your coffee, even if you don't eat, if you don't have the time to be fast enough to get everyone's food out. Or is there any value of testing switching it up in terms of, maybe you don't give them their full cup of milk in their rooms, maybe it's just a little, a little bit. And then you're not that not to give you another task, but maybe you already have two that are filled, you know, in the in the fridge or in the kitchen already ready. But it's like sit down, wait in their room, wake up all of that plan. And then when you open the door, you have maybe a little you know, fruit on their tray or fruit or something easy that's there, that you can then finish and offer their bigger cups, so they're motivated to drink that in their chair. And then you can sit down with their coffee or you can sit down with you know, a simple breakfast and only for like a few minutes. I mean, I know the importance of just like you have too many things to do in the kitchen in the morning. And so if you can keep doing something while the children are attached, and they're feeding themselves even if you're talking to them you're not in a big house, it's your right there, you know, but you might test out the difference of if sitting at the table even for just a few minutes and talking to them or just modeling the sitting and you having like a little bit of a snack with it but not feeling like I think it's really important for like dinner or you know our lunches, but sometimes they will eat better if you're sitting there.
Carly Huffman 29:06
I usually do that there but I'm just sitting there like watching them. And I'm wondering, I'm like maybe like on the weekend that you really well. And so Bobby's like no, they're great with breakfast. And so that's kind of the like, oh, like Bobby cannot watch them eat without, like not throwing them under the bus without like having something like he's gonna be eating off their plate before he's like, Okay, so that's gonna happen here. Like, yeah,
Jessica Bryant 29:35
What's working on the weekend that's different?
Carly Huffman 29:38
I don't know. I think it's I mean, I kind of like oh, every morning is different. But yeah, you're totally right that there's definitely a pattern. I think well, a Bobby gets up with them on the weekend for the first hour and then like breakfast is with mom and she's out. And so like I don't know if that's doable on the weekday, but I don't think that's like really what it is. I think it's I mean, honestly, on the weekend, we get a little bit lazier with what we're feeding them. And there's a lot of like, here's a bagel. Here's a croissant. And like, during the weekdays, I try to keep it a little bit healthier, but I'm like, maybe it could be balanced between the two. I mean, last night, I did make Banana Muffins because I was like, I'm gonna be on top of it for tomorrow. So this is the kind of thing that like when you have when you're like nervous about the mornings, and I feel like Jessica, you're you can relate back to like, when you had your kids, you're like, What can I do tonight to make tomorrow easier? I'm gonna make banana muffins. We've got these blackened bananas. I'm gonna make them right now. And you go to bed and you're like, kind of smug about how like, Well, you did and how great the mornings gonna go? Yeah, the muffins get thrown. They are not baby friendly. I don't know, they were baby friendly, but they just didn't want them our dog and eat. Like, I found one literally on our couch, like half eaten by our dog. They ate the fruit and they ate eggs, which they never eat.
Jessica Bryant 31:06
Yeah, I mean, I feel like there were so many times where you know, it was it. Like, for instance, maybe this is kind of like your morning, like, every morning, you're just like, oh, you know, and some of it is so much developmental at their age. So there is a piece of that. But it was like, when things keep happening. I did this many times in parenting, especially when in the trench years when they were little. And it was just like, you would just catch yourself being so grouchy. And and it would be me like, it's me, like I'm leading this whole situation like no one else is here.
Carly Huffman 31:44
We've now had their 15 months since they were, let's say seven months to be conservative, they have slept from 7pm to 645 at the earliest. And like it's one of those things where it's like a three letter word where you don't want a four letter word, you don't want to tell anyone because you're like, I don't want to jinx it. Like, I don't want to tell anyone that we're actually like that we're actually getting sleep and that they sleep really well. But now I'm at a point where I'm like, nope, like, this is happening. And this is continuing to happen. And so knowing that, but like whatever's happened, however crazy, it's been however, like, bad that like however sad they've had, we've had like, two nights where we've had kids up in the middle of the night, since we sleep training them in July of last year. Nuts. I mean, we've had sicknesses, we've had RSV, we've had COVID. Like, there's been a lot of things on the list since then. And like our kids have slept and they and like, you know, we've been reactive to them. And it's pretty amazing. I'm knocking on wood now. But because of that bedtime, I know it's a matter of what it's going to be good. And maybe that's like maybe their happiness at night is like me, like maybe it's being reflected back at me like that confidence that I feel.
Jessica Bryant 33:01
I love that. And I'm sure it is. And I don't necessarily think the morning is all on you. But like you're saying if you're kind of dreading it and it's just like, Oh, I gotta get out of bed. And this is what it looks like, you know, on repeat, then I can see you're kind of foreshadowing like the morning. But I don't want to belittle even a good morning with two 15 month olds is crazy. You know, so
Carly Huffman 33:28
even the best morning like we went out to breakfast last Saturday, it was such a good morning. We like literally they took a nap. And we were like, Let's lay down. Tyrion it was such a fun, like, you know, we, I mean, all in the span of 7am to 10am. Like had breakfast, we'd gone to the park. I'm like 10am rolled around. We're like, Yeah, we deserve a nap too.
Jessica Bryant 33:52
Yes, yes, for sure. So I think that's some good points is What's your intention for the morning? And what can you almost like how can you care for yourself? Because you've worked so hard to build that boundary for this is our bedtime routine. This is our night, our morning. And so you know, it's consistent. So it's like, okay, how can I go about that? Like, does that mean they need to stay in their room five or 10 minutes longer? Does that mean that I am you know, getting up at 645 and the coffee is already ready. And then I can just kind of 15 minutes of slowness or even 30 Until you know, it's 715 and then you can test it out and see oh, yeah, that made that did make a difference because I think as parents, we're so mentally and physically exhausted because I want to separate that from the chronic sleep deprived sleep deprivation feeling of parenting, in that parenting to highly volitile individuals every day, it's different than anything else. Like it's emotionally taxing and physically taxing.
Jessica Bryant 35:10
So, sometimes we just like we wait to the last second to get out of bed. Because you know, that's it's rest, it's quiet, nobody's touching you, you know all of those things. So I just wonder if, in the next couple of months, if adding some intentionality, you know, kind of like checking your mindset of, like, Oh, I really need this. Or if you are having a lot going on with work or stress or health, it's like, you know, I know you said Bobby leaves earlier, but it's like, hey, I need help with this. Can the nanny come early? Or Can Can I go for a walk in the morning, and you get them fed, and then I'll come back, they're still in their high chairs, and you you know, you leave or something like that, but just kind of sitting with what you were saying about? Maybe it is my energy? And is there anything else I can tweak? Because I do have, I have worked so hard that I'm getting the sleep I need, you know, and if you aren't, then because of work or something, then it's, you know, that comes into play, too. But But I think that's a good point.
Carly Huffman 36:15
No, I love that. That's, I feel like I've lost the action items to move forward. Just because you've been charging me for this.
Jessica Bryant 36:24
But I do want to come back to what you said is that, even though you were worried that at any second, it would change, you have that confidence, because you've built that pattern. And the fact you know, I feel like I hear from parents all the time, words like I dread bedtime, or I have PTSD about bedtime, like I you know, by the time it's 3pm, I'm dreading because I don't know what it's gonna look like tonight is going to take two hours, it's going to take three hours, are they going to negotiate this or that. And so knowing that you don't have that brain suck, and you have that comforting pattern that you look forward to, and your children recognize that that's a calm connection, closer to the day, and that they do sleep well all night, which I say this all the time to that once you aren't worrying about bedtime, and they're sleeping well at night, it's so much easier to know, when they're waking because they're sick, or when you know they're teething or when you know their tummy hurts or something like that. But just keep reminding yourself, you're gonna sleep tonight, you know, even if we, we miss this, I'm gonna get that break, or I'm gonna have that moment. And you know what, today just took it all out of me, you know? And so how I might not make the banana muffins because that didn't work. But can I? Can I prep the coffee in the morning? And can I prep my banana? And my, you know, what? Croissant and bagel and whatever for the morning so that it's quick to the table or something like that?
Carly Huffman 38:00
No, I think that's such a valid point. And definitely, like maybe focus. It's not I feel like so often as parents, we focus on like the kids, that we're not focusing on ourselves. And I feel like I love that you give license to like, okay, like, think about like the coffee and like, what are you going to have? And then like, because obviously you're like in the moment, you're gonna give your kids whatever like they need, but you're not always taking care of yourself. So,
Jessica Bryant 38:24
right. And you don't want it to be a place where you know, and I'm not saying this is you, but I've heard in the past where you're just kind of resentful, and then you just kind of go into spiral. They don't do this to their dad on Saturday. And you know, and then why is it better for this or, you know, like it just kind of, I know, my emotions go up and down just on the regular and I don't have 15 month old twins anymore, either. But it's just like, you know, some days you're just like, oh, but yeah, well, I'm glad you feel like there's a few things or you know, one or two nuggets that you can take to apply to and test out in the morning to see if things improve. And you can definitely report back to us that okay, I think it's just developmental and I have to kind of be prepared and think how to create things on their level. Or, hey, you know what, I woke up with a little I was more intentional. And I took deep breaths. I did a lot of deep breaths if you can't tell. And I had half a cup of coffee and it I just felt so much better before I entered that door. And so it helped us with our day because I feel like that's the same with teenagers. You know, like if you come to the breakfast room with better energy than you're gonna receive. I find in my house. Oftentimes.
Carly Huffman 39:48
That's a podcast for another day, how to deal with teenagers.
Jessica Bryant 39:52
Yeah, I'm still working on it. I told my husband that I'm just gonna get a shirt that says my stage of Parenting is, the answer is always I know. I just keep telling myself, Why did I even open my mouth? And so I walk around and I'm like, just shut up, just shut up like, and I mean that in like, whatever my words were going to come out. Were they really going to help anybody? No, they were unnecessary to begin with. So just zip it? Well, great. I'm glad that we've talked about, you know what a real morning looks like, especially since our podcast is called Good Mornings. And I know those have been twins or having good nights. So Good Mornings are next on the list.
Carly Huffman 40:41
Mornings are hit or miss in this house. But I think more to come after talking. Hopefully, I will report back. You know, I will.
Jessica Bryant 40:51
I'm so grateful that Carly was excited about sharing her time with us today. And I felt like there were so many nuggets from this conversation. But I wanted to highlight two for a takeaway from today's episode. And just so you know, we will be splitting this episode in two, because the portion of our conversation where Carly shares what she wishes she knew before becoming a parent is just so golden. And I don't want to miss out on that episode. So we're going to share that in a part two. But while we focus on today, and this portion of our great conversation, I wanted to pinpoint two takeaways from today.
Jessica Bryant 41:39
Number one, that sleep is possible thinking in terms of Carly's discussion and sharing her experience becoming a new parent with two babies at once. And how much sleep can change quickly, for the better is just knowing that, that part that she talks about that the bedtime is her favorite part of the day, and how she's present for the giggles and the interactions. And she looks forward to it every day just makes me well up with joy inside because that's what I had with my children. And I cherish it to this day. Is that, you know, yes, every night was not perfect. But overall, it was something we looked forward to we were ready for at the end of the day. And it happened without the guesswork. And so just wanted you to know that reminds you that sleep is possible. So that's my number one takeaway.
Jessica Bryant 42:47
Number two is when Carly brought up her aha moment. And she talks about two things. She talks about how she feels like she's not a morning person. If you wanted to call up my mom today, she would tell you how I was not a morning person. And what's the saying RBF that they have today? Well, before that term was coined. My mom talked about my go to hell look, which was every morning of high school, I guess because she told me that I was not a morning person. I was not chatty. I went to college and my roommate my freshman year told me that she didn't talk to me until I talked to her in the morning. So fast forward to motherhood and having three people in the morning ready for like all of their needs to be met. Yes, it Carly's explanation of her morning really resonated with me. But she points out that she's not a morning person. And so that possibly being a little bit more intentional, or giving herself five more minutes or three sips of coffee might change her morning. So that's something she might consider testing out. And the other thing that she also pinpointed in our discussion is she doesn't eat with the twins. She sits with the twins, but she's wondering if she did do a little bit of eating with them, you know, or even a shared platter with toddlers is also fine. I have another client who uses I think she got it at the dollar store and it is a tray that's divided. It looks like a chip and dip tray. It's a big circular plate and it has different sections. So she puts food in different sections. So it just kind of looks different. It looks kind of like a child's charcuterie, a snack board or you know it's just a place to put the eggs in one compartment and the berries in another and the toast sticks in another So Carly thought that she really wanted to try eating with the children and again, and then maybe also getting up 10 or 15 minutes early, or setting her coffee to make before she went into the room with the twins.
Jessica Bryant 45:12
The other thing we talked about was moving the morning cups of milk that the twins are currently drinking in their room, kind of moving that out to the breakfast table, or making the cups that go in their room a little bit smaller, and they can have the rest of the milk when they come out. But I don't really want to double your dishes load, but several different ideas to consider on how to make your mornings a little smoother, most of the time. So I hope you enjoyed the show, and you will check back next week for Episode Two and more with Carly Huffman. Thank you for listening today and joining us on the mission of prioritizing sleep and lifting up more moms and dads and helping more families have good mornings.
Jessica Bryant 46:06
I loved hanging out with you today. And I'm so grateful you were here. I hope you left feeling comforted by the messages you heard. I hope they helped you quiet the societal pressures that are in your mind and focus on what really matters to you and your parenting journey. I also hope you've heard messages that made you feel like the good parents you already are. If you enjoy the show, and you would like more information about me and Sleep Happy Consulting. The process is simple. First, visit my website at www.sleephappyconsulting.com or click the link in today's show notes. Second, sign up for our weekly Sleep Happy email. And third, stay connected with Sleep Happy and the Good Mornings podcast. Thank you for listening and being a part of this space where we value rest and solving sleepless nights so that it's easy for you to choose to have good mornings. I'm Jessica Bryant and this is the Good Mornings podcast.
Jessica Bryant has been called the best speaker on baby sleep, transitioning to parenting, and balancing work and family. She is a woman who loves speaking to corporate audiences, postpartum support groups, and church communities about how to parent the way you dreamed of. She is a sleep strategist and host of the Good Mornings Podcast.
The Good Mornings Podcast is the best parenting podcast for moms and dads. The transcript for this episode is created by Otter.AI, so please excuse any typos, misspellings and grammar mistakes.
