16: Toddler Mornings with Carly Huffman, Part 2
In This Episode:
We wrap up our conversation from Episode 15 with Carly Huffman, mother of 15 month old twins, where she shares her answer to what she wished she knew before becoming a mom of twins
The Big Idea
We're all first time parents, of every new age that we experience, no matter how many kids we have, and you're doing the best you can with what you have.
Questions I Answer
How to balance love and attention between more than one child?
Where can I find encouragement on my parenting journey?
Do I have enough love to give more than one child?
Actions to Take
Wondering if your child has reached their sleep milestone, check out Sleep Milestones Guide and get the answer in 5 minutes or less.
Click the three dots on the right of this episode's graphics to subscribe or follow the show.
Share this podcast with a friend. And be sure to screenshot and tag me on Instagram or send me an email so that I can properly thank you for sharing the show.
Key Moments In The Show
4:35 - If you're worried about screwing your kids up, you're not screwing them up
5:42 - The love that twins get vs sington babies
9:00 - The array of messages and pressures for parents
11:56 - How to find out if your child is sleeping enough
13:52 - Reading the card that Carly’s mother sent her
About Our Guest
Carly is a mother to boy/girl toddler twins and while originally from Texas, currently resides in London, England. Carly and her husband work full time and live in the city with their boy/girl twins.
Resources + Links
Check out Part 1 of this episode if you missed it: https://www.sleephappyconsulting.com/podcast/ep15
Want to know what typical sleep looks like for a child four months to six years? Then download our Sleep Milestones Guide.
-
Jessica Bryant 0:03
In the midst of conflicting messages and societal pressures, my goal is to offer a unique perspective to you. Rather than glorifying busyness and devaluing rest, you should question whether society's priorities are skewed. What if you placed a higher emphasis on sleep within your family? Could it have the power to change your world? Of course, I'm not suggesting that you abandon yourself in all other aspects of your life in favor of napping and bedtime routines, nor should you sacrifice relationships, travel or fun to ensure your child is always rested. However, I'm suggesting that resolving sleep issues can instill greater confidence and freedom and your family and allow you to better appreciate life's joys. All thanks to waking up, well rested each morning. I am Jessica Bryant, an internationally recognized pediatric sleep strategist, motivational speaker, wife, and mother of three, including twins, like you, I understand the pressures parents feel today and as an expert on sleep, I'm here to help you choose good mornings.
Jessica Bryant 1:17
We first started our conversation with Carly, mom of twin toddlers, in Episode 15 so to catch you up, be sure to go back and listen, if you haven't, I'll put the link in the show notes. But Carly shared how hard she worked to create a space at the end of each day that she really looks forward to with her toddlers. And any of you out there who have toddlers, you know how hard days with toddlers are. So to have a nugget, a space of the day that you look forward to that, as her words is pleasant, that they're giggly. And it's just the four of them, kind of having downtime before they move to bedtime, and put them in their cribs and say good night for a full night's sleep. And those things that she worked so hard for are going really well. And she was even talking about she was waiting for the ball to drop. But even with RSV, and sickness and travel, the good bedtimes and the good nights weren't dropping.
Jessica Bryant 2:25
But on the other hand, as she reached out to me to talk about how to transform her mornings, and help them look good, and feel good. So we talked through what her mornings look like with her little ones. And we came to kind of a joint conclusion that maybe we could try something that she's using at bedtime, with mornings and looking forward to it, making sure she's taken care of herself. And I realized you do not have an hour to get a massage or have a spa day at 6am in the morning. And this is so different for every parent. But is there anything in a five to 15 minute timeframe that you could do before you walk in the door where she could do before she walked in the door at 715 to get the kids out of their crib? Could she go ahead and have that a couple sips of coffee in the kitchen, a few deep breaths, and just a moment to kind of center herself and prepare for two toddlers that as you know you're all in when your feet hit the floor in the morning and you open that nursery door. You are all in. So it was a great conversation. And it was so great that I had to split it into two episodes. So today will be a short episode, where we kind of wrap up with what Carly wish she knew before she became a twin mom. So let's get started. To wrap up, I wanted to ask you, what is one thing that you wish you knew before becoming a mother of twins?
Carly Huffman 4:18
Oh man, you even prep me on this. I like thought about it a lot. And I still am like, torn between two so to know my mom gave me a card. The week we gave birth or whatever. And it said something about like, you know all the things you worry about. And it said basically, if you're worried about screwing your kids up, you're not screwing them up. You're like doing it right. Because the type of parents that worry about like, Oh, should they have this type of milk or that type milk or should it be this or that like, you are good parents like there are so many kids that would be lucky to have and the card was like one of those like rambling you know, like it was really cute but I kept it and I like read it from time to time because I'm like it's so true like all my friends are dropping down to one nap should we Like do that or should we stick to it, they'll do it on their own. I know that from working with you, but also like, it is so easy to buy into what everyone else is doing. But just like the fact that we care and like anybody listening to this podcast, you're doing a good job.
Carly Huffman 5:12
And then my other one is that for anyone that has two, I'm so anxious in the beginning about the love that they weren't getting, you can't have both them in your arms. And you can't always have like, one person per child, like a lot of the time. It's just you and your kids. And it's your husband's at work. And it's hard because you're like, Man, I feel so bad for this baby that's not getting as much like love as like a singleton. And I'm rambling, but basically, they get the love from their twin. So they're actually getting more love than a twin singleton gets because they get the love. And that for me like, like, I'm just now starting to like, they don't always need me. Sometimes they like meet each other. And this week, actually, like Emma fell and hurt herself. And Bo came over with his past, he took it out of his mouth and put it in hers. And it was just like the most wholesome thing, but I was holding her. And she got up and she wanted to give him a hug. They ended up like dogpiling. And they were cracking up. And I was just like, this is the best moment I've ever lived through in my whole life. And how do I sum that up. But you've prepped so much in the beginning that you can't hold both babies at once. You can't give both babies the same love you give a singleton. And for me, I realized that they actually are getting more love, because it's not just their mother's love. They're getting their twin sibling who's like, not the same person as them, but going through all the same stuff as them. So they have that love.
Jessica Bryant 6:34
Yes. Oh my gosh, that's so powerful. I think that's such a great thing to look at. And I don't think I necessarily saw it that way, in my experience, because I had a child to start with. I mean, I already had one. And so I can see maybe and this may not be the same way. But I can see where you're becoming a mother. And suddenly you have two babies. And so like the way you think when you can only help one at one time, and that's really good. And I'm an only child, my husband's an only child, our mothers are only children. And I just loved watching twins interact from such a young age, like how advanced they are socially, and how they, they would share, you know, like they would get mad that the other one would have it but they learned how to like wait, like, the more I intervened the the worst I made it, but they're just that same thing of like, Bo being connected to Emma. He understood she was hurt. He knew what that communication that crime meant. And he thought, oh, this might make her feel better. And he gave his pacifier. I mean, I don't think we often give children, young children that much credit. I just made a post either today, or yesterday. And it was about trusting children, you know, and you does the same thing. You're trusting them to calm their own body when they go to sleep. It's like we think they're helpless. And look at the empathy and the care that Bo has already at 15 months.
Carly Huffman 8:05
It was honestly the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And I was like maybe he just wants her to be quiet. Like I don't know, but Bo is like paci-king and Emma, you know, take it or leave it. Like she just like, stood up. And I'm like, and then it became a game, you know, but as attended to but it was just so sweet. But yeah, luckily, Bobby was there. So he's helped to roll like, this is just so I know,
Jessica Bryant 8:28
oh, you will remember that forever. Well, those are great things. I'm glad you shared too. I'm sorry, I initially limited you to one because we all
Carly Huffman 8:37
No I just was torn between the two and honestly, because I don't know how to concisely say that thing about twins. But I feel like my card I literally read it could send you a picture of it. Because I read it all the time. Because I'm just like, this is like, yeah, it's parenting, like you're stressed so much about. I mean, your kids are teenagers and you still stressed like, it could never end.
Jessica Bryant 9:00
Well. And today, you know, my parenting journey doesn't really compare to yours because I didn't have so many messages in my face all the time. And it's so many pressures, whether it's dropping a nap, but it's like, oh my gosh, my three year old hasn't started soccer. And I'm like, Oh, wait, that wasn't my personal plan for my kids. Like, you know, that's great for them. That's wonderful. Like, I feel like there's at least in my suburb in Texas, there's so much too. You missed the boat because you didn't do this. This you know, and you didn't do this and I'm like there's so much joy and just like being and letting your child figure out their path and try all different kinds of things and not like Holy moly. We didn't do this at age two and a half. So now we're behind the eight ball.
Carly Huffman 9:48
It's a bad comparison. But here like everyone's enrolling their kids in nursery, which is preschool. And my friends keep giving me slack. You haven't applied to nursery like you shouldn't Before they born, and I'm like, I mean, it's daycare for 18 month olds, like, I'm not really worried about it, we're gonna keep them at home, probably. And anyways, a couple of my very close friends, like have probably texted me while you were sitting here, freaking out about how we still haven't applied and there's going to be no spaces left at the good schools. And I'm like, You're telling me my two year old if they go to the church school is not going to be as like, as big? I don't know. Anyways, I can that city living again, but they're like, Well, you know, the drummer from cold play's kid goes to the one right by you. It's around the corner. And I'm like I
Jessica Bryant 10:38
That's not gonna help me. I mean, yeah, yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure. Well, I really appreciate your time today. And I think it brings so much to the podcast, because you're talking about your experience, and you're in the middle of it. And so there's so much more connection there. And even today, I'm always listening or watching those mothers that have a child just a little bit older than mine, or, you know, and I love stories and hearing about real life, mornings. So I appreciate your time. And it was so much fun to chat and so many nuggets shared. So thank you so much, Carly,
Carly Huffman 11:19
of course, always good to catch up.
Jessica Bryant 11:22
I'm so grateful for Carly's time and willingness to talk with me today and share with you. I hope you enjoyed it. We're gonna take a little break. And when I come back, I'm going to share the card that Carley talks about her mom gave her when she gave birth to her twins. And it's the card she shares that she keeps close. And she rereads and then it she feels really encouraged by it. And then we'll talk about some takeaways from today. And so we'll be back right after this break.
Jessica Bryant 11:56
Are you wondering if your child is sleeping enough? Are you looking for a resource to use to find out what is normal? What is the normal amount of sleep for a child ages four months to six years? At Sleep Happy we believe you and your children deserve good sleep without the frustration of trying to figure out if your child is on track, and if they're getting the sleep their body needs. So we've created the Sleep Milestones Guide as a resource to answer that very question. We want you to know what typical sleep looks like for a child four months to six years. We want you to know when children drop naps and how schedules change as your child grows and develops. The processes easy. First, download the sleep milestones guide by visiting the link in the show notes or visiting www.sleephappyconsulting.com/free. Second, take five minutes to review the guide to confidently know where your child falls with their sleep milestones. Third, feel comforted that you know where your child stands with their sleep and you have a resource, a place to reach out if you need help solving your child sleepless nights. Now back to the show.
Jessica Bryant 13:24
Welcome back. I hope you enjoyed learning about how you can access a free product from my website that I'm super excited about because so many parents are always wondering if their child is getting enough sleep or if their child has reached their sleep milestone. So today's short episode and conclusion to what we wish we knew before we became parents with Carly Hoffman. I wanted to share the card that her mom gave her. It says "My wishes for you as a parent. May you remember that you are doing the best you can with what you have. May you release any guilt you feel over screentime cereal for dinner and hiding in the bathroom to get four seconds of alone time." Guilty? Definitely. "May everyone in your home sleep well. And sleep often. May you remember that you always have my support and respect. And that worrying if you're screwing up your kids is an excellent sign that you're actually not screwing up your kids. May you find time to breathe and have faith that everyone will be okay." Oh my gosh. I hadn't even read that whole card until I was recording this. So the fact that sleep was in there. I mean, that's just everything you want to hear when you're just entering this whole new phase of your life that, quite frankly, I felt like it was a speed train into a black hole of just unknown. So what a great card to get from your mom, my wishes for you as a parent,
Jessica Bryant 15:18
To wrap up today's show, and kind of think about what some takeaways might be. What I really loved is what Carly shared about how she uses that card. And you know, she's been a twin mom for 15 months and counting. And she says she uses that card to refer to often. And she keeps it close by. So thinking about having a quote, or a story or an image, or a note something that's special for you, that's meaningful for you, that keeps you feeling encouraged. And what I think is so funny, is that, how appropriate her card was, to this season of the podcast. And I didn't even know she was sharing that until I had started writing the intros and planning this season. And so I think definitely, it's meant to be that we get this message that it's, you deserve to feel like a good parent every day. We're all first time parents of every age that we experience, no matter how many kids we are, and you're doing the best you can with what you have. And even in that card, it gives the same license, as we talked about in episode 15, of breathing, and taking care of yourself. So that's one takeaway that I took for it the value of having a mantra, a card, a quote, a story that's meaningful to you. And keeping that close by in your wallet, in your bathroom drawer, in your purse, a picture of it on your phone, because there are going to be those days where you need something to pick you up. And you always have this podcast too.
Jessica Bryant 17:11
And then secondly, what she shared about having twins and worrying about if there was enough love. And I think she was also maybe implying about attention, you know that she she only has two hands. And as she says I've never quick enough. But what you realize as a parent is how much you always have enough love. And I've heard friends of mine talk about that when they're having their second child. You know, they're worried about how they're going to balance too and love them both. So I loved her perspective that she shared about what was on her mind before she became a twin parent. And then she gave us the great example of how much love and connection that children get from each other in that, just that great story about Bo offering comfort to Emma, and how she left space for that. And those are the joys that we get to discover and hang on to as parents and especially in the toddler age range. Those are really special. But I really enjoyed that she shared her heart. And some of those things we don't always talk about is worrying about will our children have enough love and care when they're babies and when they grow up too. But I think the main focus is just in that transition to parenthood. So I hope you enjoyed the show. I'm eager to open up the conversation and have you share with me what things you think about that you wish you knew before you became a parent. So stay tuned for a great season. Thanks for joining us today. This is Jessica Bryant and this is Good Mornings.
Jessica Bryant 19:02
I loved hanging out with you today. And I'm so grateful you were here. I hope you left feeling comforted by the messages you heard. I hope they helped you quiet the societal pressures that are in your mind and focus on what really matters to you and your parenting journey. I also hope you've heard messages that made you feel like the good parents you already are. If you enjoy the show and you would like more information about me and Sleep Happy Consulting. The process is simple. First, visit my website at www.sleephappyconsulting.com or click the link in today's show notes. Second, sign up for our weekly Sleep Happy email. And third, stay connected with Sleep Happy and the Good Mornings podcast. Thank you for listening and being a part of this space where we've been while you rest and solving sleepless nights, so that it's easy for you to choose to have good mornings. I'm Jessica Bryant and this is the Good Mornings podcast.
Jessica Bryant has been called the best speaker on baby sleep, transitioning to parenting, and balancing work and family. She is a woman who loves speaking to corporate audiences, postpartum support groups, and church communities about how to parent the way you dreamed of. She is a sleep strategist and host of the Good Mornings Podcast.
The Good Mornings Podcast is the best parenting podcast for moms and dads. The transcript for this episode is created by Otter.AI, so please excuse any typos, misspellings and grammar mistakes.
