04: It's Not About Finding the Right Product for Your Child
In This Episode:
In this episode Jessica shares eye opening facts and opinions about sleep products for children. She releases parents from that Panic 2 am Amazon Purchasing and talks about the life giving shift of seeing your child as a valuable communicator. She discusses why setting up your sleep routine will be more valuable in the long run.
The Big Idea
It's not about the right product for your child because they already have the right parent.
Questions I Answer
What is the best sleep product for kids?
Best sleep swaddle for baby?
How to stop middle of the night wakeups?
What is the best bedtime routine for sleeping through the night?
Actions to Take
Write down those frustrations. Shut out the distraction, the need, the desire, the energy waste of finding the right product and shift that energy into reflecting on what's not working. Dive into the conditioning your child expects for sleep at this moment. If you don't have the answers, write down your questions. Reach out, talk with your partner and know sleep is possible
Shoot me a DM if you’d like my help to walk through some of these pieces for your family - I offer 1 hour calls and 30-day packages.
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(00:03):
Welcome to the Good Morning podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Bryant. I'm a pediatric sleep strategist and founder of Sleep Happy Consulting. Many parents today are spinning their wheels, living from sun, up to sun, down in a cycle of overwhelm, frustration, and some serious exhaustion. I'm here to tell you there is another way. Let's follow that frustration together. Find out what's not working so you can decide to change course confidently and move towards a better tomorrow. A better tomorrow starts with a good morning. Having good mornings is more than sleep. It's about being intentional with how you set your child up for success in the world, how you show your child to care for their mind, their bodies, and others so they can reach their full potential. And you, you are the best person for the job. So let's decide to have a good morning.
(01:15):
Hello friends, and welcome to the Good Mornings podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Bryant. This is episode four. It's not about finding the right product for your child. Gosh, I cannot tell you how often I start a conversation about sleep with the parents saying, Okay, before we start talking about sleep, what product do I need to buy? Do you recommend this kind of swaddle or that kind of sleep sack? You know, that parent is like so nervous that they're missing the right almost magic pill of a product that matches their child. The feeling I know you have is why aren't we getting good sleep? I've bought this Snoo, I've bought the Merlin, I've bought the brand new, just created weighted blanket or any of those things. And my answer is always, you don't need the product. We'll work with what you have. Now, I will say occasionally there are very specific general products that I recommend, but those are, you know, a sound machine, possibly a basic sleep sack with arms out darkening shades.
(02:40):
And those are about three that I generally recommend. But in terms of the feeling that parents have today, that they just haven't found the right product, and that's what's missing between them and their sleep, that's what we're gonna dive in today. That is just so important to take that off your shoulders and to not have that pressure that you've gone wrong in some way by not buying the magic pill, the right product that matches your child's needs. So I want you to know that sleep is possible and your child has everything they need to sleep well, and that's you. They have you. It's not about the right product for your child because they already have the right parent. So if you're in a place where sleep's not working, if you're in a place where you feel you have exhausted all your expertise, all your ideas, and you don't have anything fresh, you feel like you're hitting a wall, that's the point.
(03:51):
I want you to know it's okay to ask for help. We are not meant to do this parenting gig alone, and we can't possibly have all the information for our tiny human that just is fresh and new in the world in those first few months. In those first few months, whether they're three, four months or whether they're 26 or 30 months, they're still new and your child is still different from what they were like three months ago. So telling yourself from the get go, it's a team approach. <laugh>, it's okay to ask for help. Something to consider is you're feeling worried that you've done something wrong about not getting the right product. And that's exactly what the marketing industry wants you to feel. They want you to feel that sense of missing something so that they can fill that void with their product. So marketing works.
(04:53):
These are experts, company hire experts to market their product for money. You know, their goal is for you to buy their product. Those companies, that creator of that product has no investment in whether or not the parents or the adult that purchases that sleep aid, whether they get any sleep from it. So it's so easy, especially when we're feeling frustrated. We're feeling like we're pounding our head against a wall because we're so exhausted. We might have driven through that stop sign yesterday. And so at 2:00 AM in the middle of the night, you're staring at that Amazon cart with, what can I get delivered tomorrow morning at 10:00 AM that is going to translate into me sleeping in bed tomorrow at 2:00 AM and not scrolling the screen while sitting up with an upset overtired baby, right? That's exactly what they're telling you. That's all you have to do.
(05:58):
So just for a second, sit with those things that are in your mind. Sit with those shoulds that you might have open that say, I should have ordered this. I haven't done this. And let's think about the fact that it's a booming industry selling sleep aids to exhausted parents. And in reality, there is no magic pill. Sleep is not just this gentle process. A hundred percent of the time we're dealing with another human being. They have thoughts, they have preferences. And in the last mmm, well probably 50 years, but I can only speak for the last 19, there's a big piece of the sleep industry for parents that's based in fear. You've got the side of all of the safety and regulations and recommendations, which don't get me wrong, are very, very important. But I see so many holes where oftentimes for some specific personalities of parents, especially women, we're doing more harm than we are.
(07:14):
Good. We're eliciting fear. We're teaching occasionally new mothers that if they do not have the pulse on this tiny human at every minute of the day, then something's wrong. They're not keeping them safe, and that's not the truth. Nobody's sitting back and saying, Yeah, it's hard. Transitioning to parenting is hard, but also entering the world, coming earth side is a transition for that baby too. There's lots of sensations, there's lots of of processes that are going on. There need to be fed and burped and changed and sleep, and there's sounds and there's rocking, shushing, padding. You know, there's just so many overwhelming things that it's a process. It's a transition. And there are not many people sitting down and talking to new moms and dads about what the transition looks like, what parts are normal. They get snippets of things of that. Some opinions are that crying is bad and you shouldn't let, I've literally had a client tell me that she wanted to have her baby cry 30 seconds or less.
(08:47):
And from my perspective, which yes, it's my perspective, it's offering one perspective that's quieting your baby's voice. Absolutely. I'm not talking about leaving a baby to cry in pain or discomfort, absolutely not. But taking the time to process the action and to see your child as a valuable communicator, that's life giving. That's investing of who they are and how they enter the world as this new fresh being. It's respecting them. And yes, it's also sometimes you're gonna make a mistake. You're gonna do something you think is what they're communicating and it's gonna be wrong. I've had parents tell me that before, but I don't wanna be wrong, Jessica, and I say <laugh>, that's how we learn. That's how we grow. That's why, how we help our little ones. So I'm getting off track, <laugh>, but I want you to first consider your child and your baby's needs, your toddler's needs, your preschooler's needs, your school age, child's needs first before we're evaluating whether you need a sleep strategist to weigh in, whether you need that SleepSack or weighted blanket or moon pod from Mars that shakes and dances and has a heartbeat and all the things.
(10:26):
Let's just think about your child first. And then the next thing is, if you're not sleeping well, what is your child conditioned? How are they conditioned to think about how they fall asleep? What needs to happen in what order? Let's think from the child's perspective. Does the child need to be rocked to sleep? Does the child need to be fed to sleep? Does the child need to be as one? One parent told me just seeing a yoga ball causes PTSD because I spent so many nights bouncing on a yoga ball until my baby fell asleep at bedtime, then bouncing on a yoga ball at 1:14 AM until my baby went back to sleep and bouncing at 1:57 until my baby went back to sleep. So at that point, we know nobody's getting good sleep. It's broken. It's too frequent of a wake up for a seven month old baby that is healthy and eating well.
(11:39):
So what are the patterns that your child is conditioned to think that they need in order to sleep? Uh, I hear this a lot when we transition from a crib to a bed. Children are suddenly not sleeping as well as they were sleeping in the crib. What's the difference? How has the sleep environment changed for the child? Is the conditioning the same? And I know, I know, I know you're saying, but I do the same exact thing. The routine is the same. Okay, the bedtime routine is the same, but what happens after you turn off the lights and you say goodnight? Is it exactly the same as it was in the crib? It's just that the child in a sense, in a larger crib, you know, in the safety of their room? Or are there multiple choice options? Is there one or more parents staying in the room?
(12:37):
Do you sometimes stay until the child falls completely asleep? Do you have to walk the child back multiple times? Is there any time in the night where the child used to sleep in the crib but is sleeping somewhere else in a different way? Those are the the questions to ask When we're struggling with sleep problems, if you've got a rhythm that is working perfectly fine for your family and you are confident and you feel like you are waking up rested in the morning, you feel like your child is waking up rested in the morning, then whatever that pattern is, it is fantastic and you need to put your hand on your heart right this minute and say you're doing a great job. But if you are waking up frustrated, if you're waking up dreading the day, if you're waking up multiple times a night and it, it's sending that signal of frustration to you that it doesn't make sense, that's the frustration you need to listen to.
(13:42):
And those are the things we can work out. I have read a fact the other day, Did you know that the sleep aid market for Americans is a $65 billion market now, number one for adults? I think it's very wise to invest in your sleep, in your mattress, your pillows, your your sheets, you know your bedroom, because we spend a third of our life there. So I'm not saying that. I'm saying the products that are communicating to adults and that they equal sleep, whether it's medications, whether it's products, different kinds of primarily medication. I mean, often you Google sleep problems when you go to the computer, it doesn't give you behaviors or patterns to change. It tells you what kind of bottles of products that you can buy. <laugh>. So cracked me up the other day when I was Googling things. Now for the baby sleep industry, this is mind blowing 300 million dollar market for baby sleep.
(15:06):
They're preying on parents like you who are sleep deprived. The market for products and devices for getting babies to sleep adds up to at least 30 million a year. According to the Washington Post last year, <laugh>, I like what they said, call it the sleep industrial complex selling promise of magical solutions to sleep hungry parents. They're preying on you. They're taking the fear that the regulations and recommendations are spelling out about safe sleep. And they're convincing you that the only way to get smooth sleep, or I don't know that's the right word, gentle sleep is for you to buy their product. No one is pausing and communicating. Let's stop. Let's have the parent trust themselves, think of their skill set, what makes sense, what's working, what's not working, and then do they know what's normal? Setting up sleep routines is often harder for the parents than it is for the child.
(16:21):
And that reality is what's driving the spending on all these products. So that's what I wanted to communicate to you is think about what you need. Write down those frustrations. Think about what you've tried. It's you and the patterns you are putting in place in your home that lead to your baby's confidence. Sleep or your school age child's bedtime, not lasting two and a half hours. So what makes sense? If you are not sure what the next steps are on how to change the pattern, there's definitely options there. That's definitely where I come in and I help you troubleshoot and we brainstorm ideas as I learn about your child's unique needs. This is what I do one on one with parents. It is not a one size fits all, but I bring to the table so much of the child's perspective that parents are sitting back moms and dads.
(17:23):
Oh, that's the missing piece. I never thought of it from that perspective. Okay, how do we shift our pattern to build that confidence? You know? So thinking in terms of what you already know, you are the expert on your child and you are the expert on your family's need for sleep and what works. So there's not a magic pill. There are definitely products that help with sleep. But if you find yourself panic buying, which I can't tell you how many parents, I'm like, Just call me before you panic rent the Snoo when your baby is four and a half months old. I can help <laugh> and it leads to healthy sleep for a lifetime, not for a week or two. So that is a big message when you're looking and you are about to hit purchase, think stop. Is it gonna help you tonight?
(18:26):
Is it just making you feel better to make the purchase? Or is it something your child really needs? Or does the child actually need you and you to reflect on the patterns you have in place and start making a change and repeat those new patterns? Enough times for the child to understand the new pattern for their sleep routines, to understand and be able to predict what comes next from their caregiver. That's what creates comfort and safety for a child. And that's what helps them build a routine and become confident and become good sleepers. So if you take one thing from today's conversation, I want you to shut out the distraction, the need, the desire, the energy waste of finding the right product. And I want you to shift that energy into reflecting on what's not working. Dive into the conditioning your child expects for sleep in this moment.
(19:35):
And if you don't have the answers, write down your questions. Reach out, talk with your partner and know sleep is possible. Your children crave sleep just as much as you crave sleep. Even if you're telling me, Oh, but my child has F.O.M.O., I promise you, <laugh>, they will still crave sleep. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please leave a review and tag me at sleep happy. So I can personally thank you for being here, part of this new community on a mission to lift up more moms and dads and help more families have good mornings.
(20:25):
I sure hope you left feeling encouraged. I loved hanging out with you today, and I am so grateful you were here. If you would like more information about Sleep Happy, be sure to visit our website at SleepHappyConsulting.com and sign up for our weekly emails. If you liked what you heard today, please share this podcast with your friends or your favorite parenting group. I can't wait to get to know you and learn more about how I can lift you up in the journey of parenting. Fulfilled families are our mission. I'm Jessica Bryant, and this is The Good Mornings Podcast.
Jessica Bryant helps parents stop fighting sleep with their young children. She provides strategies to help babies sleep through the night, take naps, and stay healthy.
