19: Why Don't We Ever Talk About This
In This Episode:
This episode is a compilation of clips from different women, with different age children, sharing one or two things that they wish they knew before becoming a parent.
The purpose of this episode is to share the voices, to share the realness, to share what we're going through and make it kind of the norm with the hope that it can help you focus on yourself and your own dreams for your parenting journey and quiet those outside messages that we often put on ourselves from society.
The Big Idea
This journey in Parenthood is special and it’s important to know you’re not alone in your journey. We're all in it, none of us know what we're doing, we're doing the best we can with what we have, and you are enough. You are doing a good job.
Questions I Answer
What do you wish you knew before you became a parent?
How can I find people to connect with?
How can I find time to connect with those people?
How can journaling help me with my parenting journey?
Actions to Take
Would love for you to share in your review, share in DMs on Instagram, or an email what you wish you knew, because we can continue to share these voices.
Click the three dots on the right of this episode's graphics to subscribe or follow the show.
Share this podcast with a friend. And be sure to screenshot and tag me on Instagram or send me an email so that I can properly thank you for sharing the show.
Key Moments In The Show
3:17 - Mimosa Moms Morning
8:46 - How to join in with this episode
10:07 - Clips from 6 mothers
15:41 - Clips from 5 more mothers
19:58 - To those wondering where their ‘tribe’ is
22:32 - How to create time for connection
23:28 - Society Pressures versus your own gifts
28:19 - What Jessica wished she knew before becoming a mom
Resources + Links
Want to know what typical sleep looks like for a child four months to six years? Then download our Sleep Milestones Guide.
Book support to take sleep off your to-do list
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Jessica Bryant 0:00
Hello friends and welcome to The Good Mornings Podcasts. I'm your host, Jessica Bryant. This is episode 19. Why Don't We Talk About This? In the midst of conflicting messages and societal pressures, my goal is to offer a unique perspective to you. Rather than glorifying busyness and devaluing rest, you should question whether society's priorities are skewed. What if you placed a higher emphasis on sleep within your family couldn't have the power to change your world. Of course, I'm not suggesting that you abandon yourself in all other aspects of your life in favor of mapping and bedtime routines. Nor should you sacrifice relationships, travel or fun to ensure your child is always rested. However, I'm suggesting that resolving sleep issues can instill greater confidence and freedom and your family and allow you to better appreciate life's joys. All thanks to waking up, well rested each morning. I am Jessica Bryant, an internationally recognized pediatric sleep strategist, motivational speaker, wife, and mother of three, including twins, like you, I understand the pressures parents feel today. And as an expert on sleep, I'm here to help you choose good mornings.
Jessica Bryant 1:40
Welcome to the show today, I am excited about this episode. And it really gets to the reason we started this podcast to be a place to share a mother's voice, a different voice, and one that helps you focus on yourself and your dreams for your parenting journey. And quiet those outside messages that we often put on ourselves from society. So I thought today I talk a little bit about one of the many things that I wish I had known before becoming a mother. And one of those is how special and how dependent, I was going to be on the other mothers that were on the journey with me.
Jessica Bryant 2:35
Now for a backstory, I'm an only child. And my mother is an only child. And I have two cousins because my dad has a brother. But I'm not connected closely with them. And they don't have spouses and things like that. So and and plus they were older than me. So with my personality, I've always been driven to, you know, be with people and connect with people. So taking that into consideration with the reason behind why connecting with other women has been so vital for me, and has made my journey so much richer.
Jessica Bryant 3:16
A few days ago, I hosted what we call that Mimosa Mom's Morning. And this is an event that I've probably been doing five or six years and it started with. It's the end of the school year, let's all prepare for our children to be home. At the time. That was three of my kids all at home all day, every day, for the summer. And so it was kind of a last hurrah, moms get together kind of a thing. Well over the years, I would kind of forget to schedule it. And I would hear from moms. When is that happening? When are we doing mimosas with moms. And so I would put it on the calendar. And something that was really important to me is that nobody had to bring anything you had to bring yourself. You didn't have to cook anything. You didn't have to prepare anything. You didn't have to write a check. Because I felt like sometimes, you know, that was one of the deterrence with activities. When my kids were little is how much you had to show up and do whether you were planning the event working the event cleaning up from the event, and I remember back to those early days of being a mom of three. The twins were babies. Madeline was three and half four. And I would show up to MOPS and there was a hot breakfast and there was also childcare. But I just remember getting that hot breakfast and having so many choices and how that felt to so nourishing and loving and comforting like I look forward to that hot breakfast. And I've heard from many other moms that that was important to them to so part of the mimosas with mom is you could come as you are, you can come and go as you please that morning. And you would get a hot breakfast, some fruit, coffee and mimosa, I kept it simple, because I have overdone it Pinteresty in the past, and then I would resent it. So I kept it simple, come as you are. And I invited anyone who wanted to come.
Jessica Bryant 5:31
So these are neighbors, these are women who have children in the same school as me, they could bring their friends, any of those things. And so when I started this, I just didn't realize what an important opportunity it was to connect. And that it didn't have to be all my closest friends. It just could be women. And my kids started to notice because sometimes on these Mimosa mom mornings, they would come home from school off the school bus. And a couple of moms were still there. Because that was the only time we were connecting like that. So fast forward to this May, we had it again. And it was such a gift. Women shared their heart. And I did ask them for payment this time, I did ask them to record something that you are going to hear on this podcast. And because my whole goal is to share the voices to share the realness to share what we're going through and make it kind of the norm. Because I don't know that has to be on social media. But I don't know, it's just a tricky thing, especially when you have teenagers. And so many people talk about how lonely the teenage years are because you can't you know, you just can't out your kid for their funny thing on Facebook or Instagram. But we can have text messages, we can have group texts, where we can lift each other up and laugh and giggle and, and get through the sad the cry and mourn the hard parts.
Jessica Bryant 7:19
The purpose of this episode is just to share these mom's truths and share a little bit of mine. And to let you know that even though parts of relationships with women are hard, and can be an energy suck, that if you keep your head up, and you keep your eyes open to connection, it's so beautiful. And there are people that come into your lives at different times that you will need. And being open to their guidance and open to conversations really helps you feel less alone. And really reminds you that we're in this together, we're humans, we crave connections, absolutely on different levels. Not everybody wants to come to a mimosa mom morning, I totally understand. But finding your niche is to where you're connecting of women who have children of different ages from different backgrounds. Because you're going to find out they're always going to have your back. An added bonus is when your children become teenagers, their eyes and ears in the community. Because they are keeping up with making sure that they're living and growing and supporting them as well.
Jessica Bryant 8:46
So today, I'm going to share some clips of different women with different age children, sharing one or two things that they wish they knew before becoming a parent. And I really would love it if you could join in with us. And share in your review. Share in DMs on Instagram, or an email what you wish you knew, because we can continue to share these voices and remind people that we're all in it. None of us know what we're doing. We're doing the best we can with what we have. And you are enough. You are doing a good job. And that's what I want you to take away from today's episode. So I will let these amazing, thoughtful women take it away. And please some of these are serious, some are funny, some are raw. So be open and we're going to accept all those voices and I have about 20 more that I want to share
Jessica Bryant 10:02
Okay, Laura, what do you wish you knew before you became a mom?
Speaker 2 10:07
I wish that I knew before I became a mom that the moms that I would meet as an early mom would be friends for a lifetime. Now, I didn't realize how special those friendships are going to grow as our children grew around this
Jessica Bryant 10:22
And did you have one more?
Speaker 2 10:23
Yes. The other thing that I wish that I knew, before I became a mom the second time was that my second child will be completely different than my first one, especially when it comes to sleep. And I would need a different method that would help my kids sleep the second time around, because the first one was so easy, and the second one was not.
Speaker 3 10:43
Two things I wish I knew before becoming a parent. Number one, that you can get postpartum preeclampsia up to six weeks after giving birth. So it's good practice to let your husband know, hey, keep an eye out in case I start acting really weird, aka sense of doom slash, have a blood pressure cuff around to make sure that you've got a pulse on that. And number two, you get to choose what type of parent you want to be. So try not to automatically recreate what your parents did. Even though it just becomes second nature almost, you get to choose and you get to decide what fits best for you and your family.
Speaker 4 11:28
Hi this is Alison Terrell, what I wish I knew about motherhood before becoming a mother was about consistency. Even when you're tired, even when you don't want to The more consistent you can be with your kids, the better off you'll be. Those late nights when they're coming to your bed, it's so easy just to let them jump in. But when you consistently take them back and teach them choose to stay in bed and sleep, you get to sleep. And that makes all the difference.
Speaker 5 11:58
Thinking about things I wish I knew before I became a parent. This is kind of a funny one. No one ever explains to you the level of genuine interest, concern, borderline obsession that you will have over someone else's poop. And your willingness to talk about said poop with other parents. Specifically, the other parent of your child is just mind blowing. It comes out of nowhere. And it is all encompassing. You are genuinely actively interested in somebody else's poop.
Speaker 6 12:38
I wish I would have slowed down to enjoy all the little things and not try to rush through everything because it goes by so fast.
Speaker 7 12:46
What I wish I knew before I had kids, was that being a mom was not natural for everyone. My degree is in IT. And nothing to do with early education, or kids in any way. But I still thought that being a mom would just be natural. But for me, it was extremely challenging. I had twins. And I didn't know the first thing about what I was doing every day for years was an extreme challenge. I love my children more than anything. But being a mom is tough. Even now, when they're they're both in seventh grade. And moming still doesn't come easy. But you just do the best that you can. And you just power through and just give them love and it all works out.
Jessica Bryant 13:42
Jessica back again. And we'll go ahead and take a mid episode break and get back to those great answers to our question, what you wish you knew before you became a parent? And we'll be right back.
Jessica Bryant 14:02
Are you wondering if your child is sleeping enough? Are you looking for a resource to use to find out what is normal? What is the normal amount of sleep for a child ages four months to six years? At Sleep Happy we believe you and your children deserve good sleep without the frustration of trying to figure out if your child is on track, and if they're getting the sleep their body needs. So we've created the Sleep Milestones Guide as a resource to answer that very question. We want you to know what typical sleep looks like for a child four months to six years. We want you to know when children drop naps and how schedules change as your child grows and develops their processes easy. First, download the Sleep Milestones Guide by visiting the link in the show notes or visiting www.sleephappyconsulting.com/Free. Second, take five minutes to review the guide to confidently know where your child falls with their sleep milestones. Third, feel comforted that you know where your child stands with their sleep, and you have a resource, a place to reach out if you need help solving your child's sleepless nights. Now back to the show.
Jessica Bryant 15:29
Okay, we're back. And we've got more moms lined up to share, share, share.
Speaker 8 15:36
What I wish people told me before I became a mom, I wish I knew that parenting would be so different in every different stage. I'm sure people said that to me. But I didn't really understand the difference. The early stages are hard, physically demanding. It's a whole different stage of life. Everything you're learning is new. And there's so many more physical demands from just feeding all the time, and changing and growing and chasing kids and not getting enough sleep, and all those things are physically demanding. And then all of a sudden, you get into adolescence. And it's just so hard. It's a whole different type of hard, it all of a sudden, is emotionally hard and emotionally demanding. And I had no idea how hard that would be. And then, at the same time, as I'm in the middle of that, and in the middle of the hard part, realizing that I don't always find that the joy and motherhood that I feel like I'm supposed to have. And if I'm being honest, I probably didn't even have some of that in the early years. But somehow, from what I've heard friends say what I see on social media, what I, for whatever reason, feel that I'm supposed to have this joy throughout motherhood. And I don't always have that. And I don't always want everything to be about my kids and for me to find all of my fulfilment in my kids, but somehow I feel like I'm supposed to. And I wish I could have been ahead of that and been telling myself, it's okay, and kind of had that circle to encourage and understand that it's okay, so I didn't have to have that own internal guilt and shame about that. Of course, I love my kids.
Speaker 9 17:51
Somebody told me, when I had my first child, I wish that you had your second child first, just that you knew all of the things that you were learning as you went with your first child, and you could use it for them.
Speaker 5 18:04
Here's another thought about parenting. And this one is probably more for the moms. But you are already exactly the mother that your kiddo needs. Whether you do the things you see on Pinterest, whether you try to incorporate all of the advice that is coming to you, and there will be so much advice that is coming to you some of it's going to work out great, some of it is not going to work at all. And that's okay. You will do what works for your kiddo. You will do what works for your family. And that is the very best thing that you can do. You are already enough, you don't have to worry about proving that to anybody, especially yourself, you've got this.
Speaker 10 18:53
Ask for help from family and friends as you needed for simple things like running to the grocery store or helping you clean your kitchen floor.
Speaker 11 19:03
What I would tell my younger self about motherhood is do not lose your friendships. The connection that you have with other women will be your saving grace, from the time you become a mother forever in your life. So make sure that you keep the relationships make new relationships, you're never alone. There's always someone going through exactly the same thing. No matter how terrible you think it is. Someone else is going through it as well.
Jessica Bryant 19:36
Like you I had the desire to feel like a good parent and rescue myself from my inner critic. Connecting with moms from the beginning and working to nurture those relationships that aligned with my parenting goals has been a gift. So I'd love to hear stories of how you connect uniquely with moms in your community. But I'd especially like to reach out to those of you who may not feel connected, who may be thinking, people always talk about my tribe, where is it? When are they arriving. And so, if there's some particularly hard things that you're going through, or that you're looking to connect, or you just want to so many moms tell me just talking it through if you want to just vent about parenting, and, you know, maybe we can brainstorm together some possible solutions just to make you feel better. And to remind you that you're doing a good job, and that it is hard.
Jessica Bryant 20:43
But if you're craving to connect, we can always hop on a call, it doesn't always have to be sleep related. Some families call me back for all kinds of guidance, whether it be getting ready for school, preparing for transitions, going through life changes, like divorce, adding a sibling, things like that. But if it is just talking with another mom, we can do that too. Because typically, there's something we can cover in there about sleep, or a tweak, or a schedule change that can help. And then the other thing, if that's not what you're needing, the next thing I would say is sit down with your journal, or a piece of paper. And if it's been on your heart, that you are feeling alone, and disconnected, and you've been looking for that tribe, you know, sit down and write those feelings, even if you've had maybe a struggle, or a challenge with another woman. And so that's maybe like made you sink in and hide a little bit, you know, write that out and talk about what you're looking for, you know, and see if there are places in your community that you could be open to seeking out whether it be going to the park, or attending some a coffee at your child's preschool or school, or putting fliers on your neighbor's doors that says, hey, we're going to meet in our neighborhood park on this day, or we're going to meet in my driveway, bring your coffee over at 9am. You know, whether that's on the weekend or the week day.
Jessica Bryant 22:32
Another thing I feel like I've heard from parents is between working full time and possibly having a child that's not sleeping, there is no time for the connection. So a part of your journaling could be how can you carve out the time with in your schedule? Is it something that I'm gonna book three months in advance, and I'm gonna block it out, because right now it doesn't fit? Is it something you're going to get a babysitter for in a couple of weeks, and you're going to prepare for that. Or your family or aunt or next door neighbor is looking to watch the children. And so it's an opportunity where there's childcare, and some of those so we can brainstorm all of those together, if you're feeling in a place where you don't have anyone to reach out to.
Jessica Bryant 23:28
And secondly, I think the other thing that these women taught me and reminds me every time is that falling into society's pressures, instead of your own does not do any good. It leaves you in a place where you lose your identity. And especially if you've been there, for example, in the parenting years, 18 years, and you are so overwhelmed with like the burdens and the pressures on your shoulders of what you have to be doing for your child or scheduling your child or if your child isn't doing this or that you lose sight of your own gifts and your own purpose and your own greatness. And you sacrifice the needs and the gifts that you've been given for the sake of society's priorities.
Jessica Bryant 24:22
And I think that has been a new added mission to the work that we're trying to do at Sleep Happy is now that I have a child who's in college. I see the posts and I hear the words where the children are leaving home to work to go to college to travel and to the mother is lost lost in her relationship lost in herself lost in her life, and is just counting the minutes until the child comes home and that breaks my heart because that person is such a gift to us in our world. And for them to not be able to find joy, because their child is now an adult and is off to discover their own lives. I'm into feeling good, and enjoying the time that we have here, and making connection a priority and making the voice inside ourselves a priority. So you're totally worth it.
Jessica Bryant 25:28
I know I've talked all over the place. But my goal is for you to find a piece in your parenting journey, a blend of doing it your way, not and quieting society's pressures. I feel like so many of us who have teenagers are in a place where we're trying to relieve the pressure of society's priorities that aren't right for our kids. We follow this myth that every second of parenting is supposed to be joyful. And we're going to be finding all these joys and there are years where it's hard, and some people find joy, and some people don't. But I think it's a myth. I also think you have to be looking for the miracles and the joy. But the people who are just talking about how wonderful everything is like for example, I've had three to four parents tell me that they have read things on Facebook that say, Oh, I just love being awake all night, and feeding my baby every hour, all night long. It's just such a joyous connection. And there's another mother who's over in the corner, rocking back and forth, because she hates every second of that. And she feels like a horrible person because she doesn't love being awake all night long and sacrificing herself because oh, this mom gets up at 8am to be at work and has three other children. So you have to find those places to listen, that help you remember to quiet those outside voices to check yourself. Is this my goal? Or is this society's goal? Is this what I think is right for my kid and our family? Or is that what's right for that kid and that family? It's so hard.
Jessica Bryant 27:29
But I want you to find that peaceful place in your parenting, the way you're parenting, because it is the way you're meant to parent. And yes, peace doesn't mean a perfect day every day. But peace and confidence and flow that when your child becomes an adult, they are launching from a well rested and connected home. And you feel like you've done the best you can with what you had, and the knowledge you had at the time. And there everybody goes, they can still be connected and you still know your greatness and your gifts, and you're using them to make the world a better place at the same time. So you feel peace and happiness and joy. And with that release.
Jessica Bryant 28:19
So to circle back, what I wish I knew before I became a mom was how important it was going to be to nurture the relationships with women throughout the motherhood journey. And don't forget, you can always plan your own Mimosa morning on a Friday on a school day on a Saturday or Sunday or five o'clock. All right. Thank you so much for joining us today. I'll be here if you need me. And again, I'm so thankful for all of the women who trusted me to share their truths and send these clips in. I'll be collecting them all season forever. You can even write them to me, you don't have to record that voice record them or you can send a video. You can post it on your social media and you can tag me but I think it's so important to share it all for these new women that are becoming parents and making that transition to motherhood. Just knowing from the start. They don't have to know it all. They aren't alone. And none of us have it all figured out. Thank you for listening, wishing you all good mornings. This is Jessica Bryant. Have a great morning, bye bye.
Jessica Bryant 29:39
I loved hanging out with you today. And I'm so grateful you were here. I hope you left feeling comforted by the messages you heard. I hope they helped you quiet the societal pressures that are in your mind and focus on what really matters to you in your parenting journey. I also hope you heard messages That means you feel like the good parents you already are. If you enjoyed the show and you would like more information about me, and Sleep Happy Consulting, the process is simple. First, visit my website at www.sleephappyconsulting.com or click the link in today's show notes. Second sign up for our weekly Sleep Happy email. And third, stay connected with sleep happy and the Good Mornings Podcast. Thank you for listening and being a part of this space where we value arrest and solving sleepless nights so that it's easy for you to choose to have good mornings. I'm Jessica Bryant and this is the Good Mornings Podcast.
Jessica Bryant has been called the best speaker on baby sleep, transitioning to parenting, and balancing work and family. She is a woman who loves speaking to corporate audiences, postpartum support groups, and church communities about how to parent the way you dreamed of. She is a sleep strategist and host of the Good Mornings Podcast.
The Good Mornings Podcast is the best parenting podcast for moms and dads. The transcript for this episode is created by Otter.AI, so please excuse any typos, misspellings and grammar mistakes.
