06: Why You and Your Baby Deserve Good Sleep
In This Episode:
In this episode, Jessica unpacks the impact that valuing your own sleep has on your whole family. She discusses how our behaviors as parents show that our sleep is typically found at the bottom of priorities. Jessica offers a way to improve your child's bedtime so you can feel good about your child falling asleep independently and sleeping well. Jessica encourages parents like you to help teach children to see the value of sleep and rest, how to really listen to our bodies. Which allows you all ample time to prepare our brains and systems to face the next day. You are the best person for the job. You are the best parent for the job. So let's take care of yourselves first.
The Big Idea
Your child is looking to you to teach them the value of sleep, not the other way around.
Questions I Answer
Does becoming a parent mean I won’t ever sleep?
How long after having children can a parent sleep normally again?
What change in lifestyle could make the biggest impact on the happiness of my family?
How can I help my child learn to sleep?
Actions to Take
Take 10 minutes and reflect on your sleep. Write down three things you can do to work towards getting more sleep for yourself and to work towards valuing sleep in your house.
Take a picture of you listening to this podcast and let us know by tagging at Sleep Happy on social media.
If you enjoyed what you heard today, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts then click open your Podcast app and scroll down the Good Mornings Show Page halfway and click on ‘Write a Review’ or Spotify to click rating . As a brand new podcast your review means the world to us and helps us in our mission of lifting up more moms and dads and helping more families have good mornings.
-
(00:03):
Welcome to the Good Morning podcast. I'm your host Jessica Bryant. I'm a pediatric sleep strategist and founder of Sleep Happy Consulting. Many parents today are spinning their wheels, living from sun, up to sun, down in a cycle of overwhelm, frustration, and some serious exhaustion. I'm here to tell you there is another way. Let's follow that frustration together. Find out what's not working so you can decide to change course confidently and move towards a better tomorrow. A better tomorrow starts with a good morning. Having good mornings is more than sleep. It's about being intentional with how you set your child up for success in the world, how you show your child to care for their mind, their bodies and others so they can reach their full potential. And you, you are the best person for the job. So let's decide to have a good morning.
(01:15):
Hello friends. Welcome to Good Mornings. I'm your host Jessica Bryant. This is episode six, "Why You and Your Baby Deserve Good Sleep". There are so many messages that we get in our head about sleep and to-do lists and you know how we compare to our society and the pressures in our community. And I think so many parents, I hear from them all the time, they just feel like parenthood is supposed to be exhausting and you're supposed to go without sleep. And yes, I'm not saying that parenting isn't tiring, but it's even tiring when you do have sleep. So that layer of having sleep is so important for the fulfillment of your family and it's worth the discussion of why do we think that we don't deserve sleep? Or why do our behaviors show that our sleep is at the very end of the list? And all of these things are more important than that basic human need of getting rest each night and allowing our body and our mind to heal and make connections and download and dump out and clear out so that we are rested and our best selves the next day.
(02:45):
Parents want to be rested and parent from their best self. They say but it doesn't match their actions because they want to sleep better or really they want to feel better, which comes from more sleep. But at the same time, they don't wanna miss out on anything. They don't want to change their activities, they don't want to change the events, the play dates. They don't wanna miss out on all the things that are often happening during the time that a young child is sleeping or parents are running 90 to nothing and they're exhausted in the night, but they think they can't. They're sacrificing their sleep cause that feels more comfortable than being intentional about their schedule and making sure that their schedule aligns with the sleep needs of their child, their family themselves. So that's what we're gonna talk about today is why, why do we feel that pressure to not prioritize sleep?
(03:57):
Why do we prioritize busyness? Why do we value busyness? And we kind of have that feeling that if you are sleeping well, you're lazy, or if you're resting or if you're going slow that you're not doing enough. I think that's the root of a lot of struggles with parents of young children today and really me as just parents of teenagers. So I wanna talk about your sleep and I wanna talk about the impact that valuing your sleep first has on your whole family. I don't know why sleep gets such a bad rap because like eating <laugh> and breathing, sleeping is an important biological process that not only keeps you alive, but it keeps you healthy. I have a story about a recent appointment I had with my daughter's neurologist and I was sitting in the chair and he was talking with her about how she was feeling and how her migraines were recently, how many she's had any triggers talking to her about her mood and really helping her learn how to advocate for herself as she was a teenager, you know, about to embark on, on taking care of her own health.
(05:22):
But when he asked her about sleep, she giggled and she said, it's, it's pretty good right now because you know, my mom's a sleep strategist <laugh>. And you know, he looked over at me and he said, you know, we have a really hard time with our patient's parents and so much so encouraging them to reset their boundaries for sleep, to say no to activities, to the evening, to not join that select team or those music lessons and those kind of things that we've had to hire a behavior specialist to specifically work with parents on how to change their schedule to prioritize sleep. And these are primarily middle school and high school students. And that just blew my mind because it really matched up with what I was seeing with my small sampling of clients. And so I wanna talk about how sleep makes a vital impact on a child's life and the lives and happiness of your family.
(06:36):
So it deserves a place, it deserves you to protect it. And it's one of those things that children as they grow, they need your help, seeing the value of sleep and rest and really listening to their bodies. How does their body feel on the inside? And children are very in tune with their bodies more so than adults. And in our society we lose that as we grow up. So keeping that connection, and it's been so amazing to see so many families share that, you know, their toddler who was awake all night and drinking bottles, you know, in the master bedroom. But once we got them shifted and built their confidence in independent sleep <laugh>, that sweet little girl, she mom said, I didn't know what to do. She said she took her mom's hand and she walked her to the crib and she asked for a nap.
(07:39):
Children crave sleep. And I think so much of the myth is that as parents, we'll just wait until our child starts sleeping or our child knows their sleep needs more than we do. And to be more specific, your child knows when they're tired and can communicate that to you, whether it's in gestures or in crying or their voice or their words. But for children (babies in particular), they aren't going to say, okay dad, I'm two years old and it's 7:05 and it's time for me to go to bed. So can you come upstairs and start the bedtime routine?
(08:47):
They're not gonna know the time, they're not gonna know what they need for their best selves. They're gonna look to you for that boundary to set that pace based on what the rhythms are in your family when you wake up during the day when you go to bed, if they're napping, if they're not napping, you know what your child needs for for sleep and health. And so dialing into their cues helps you set that pattern. And if those are questions you don't know how to create for your children based on their age and their sleep needs, then definitely reach out and we can do an individual support plan. But back to mom and dad and their sleep, you know, sleep deprivation, sleep loss causes you to feel yucky during the day and slowed thinking, lack of energy and irritability. And so you know, if it's a one-off like once a week, maybe once a month that you're really having a bad night of sleep.
(09:52):
Okay? But what I'm really talking about is this feeling like it's okay and it's normal to go two years without sleep. I can't tell you how many phone calls I have with parents who are at the end of their rope and they are like, help now I haven't slept in two years. I haven't slept in 11 months. That's not okay. You deserve good sleep once you are out of the newborn stage, once the first three months is out and your child is eating, is growing is healthy, you should be getting good stretches of sleep that gradually build each month until you're sleeping through the night. And if you are waking because of your child's waking, that's definitely something we can work on. If you're waking up in the middle of the night because of a diagnosis or insomnia or stress or things like that, I really encourage you to reach out to your healthcare provider, a counselor, anything to help you start to calm your system and be able to sleep seven hours a night.
(11:12):
Definitely more than five, at least five hours straight is our first goal. Because the research says that less than five hours of sleep a night, that is considered fragmented sleep. And that really causes harm to the brain because it's not having enough time to download and prepare and grow and clean up its system to face the next day. So please let me know if you had more questions on this. I can get specific. We can have another podcast where we go into the specifics of what adult sleep should look like at night and I can even reach out to an adult sleep sleep expert if that's something that you are craving these years of sleep loss for parents is affecting our children. So what can we do? Again, sit down and think about why are you tired? Are you, are you not getting into the bed until midnight?
(12:14):
Are you going to bed at 10 but you're having a problem falling asleep? Is calming for sleep your issue? Or is it simply that I am having to get up with my child and then I have kind of that feeling like I never know when they're gonna wake up. So I might be sitting and watching them monitor, you know, I, I need to go up, get up and go to the bathroom. My mattress is uncomfortable, the temperature's off. Like thinking about what you think is wrong with your sleep, is it stress related? Is it schedule related? Is it, is it medical related? And making a note to follow through with what some of those things are. If it's schedule related and environment related, that's something I can help with. Setting the timer, diving into giving yourself 10 minutes to, to think back to a time where you slept really well, what did that look like?
(13:15):
Or maybe it's a dream of how your evening would look that you feel like you would be more relaxed. You know, so many parents are, you know, they finally get their children down and maybe that's 10 o'clock at night and then they need their own wine down time or they have work to do or they, you know, have a lot to do to get ready for the next day so they're not climbing into their own bed or they're looking at screens until, you know, the middle of the night. So a pep talk on how to scale back that first. Is there anything we can do to improve your child's bedtime, to provide you that downtime, that connection time with your partner, that time to prepare for the next day, that time for, you know, maybe a touch of selfcare or reading or whatever makes you feel good about falling asleep.
(14:11):
It's so different for all of us. For me, for example, I like to read. So I, I shower at night. I know some people shower in the morning, but my routine is, you know, I shower at night, get ready, and then I read and my eyes start to get heavy and so I close my book and that's when I start working on turning off the lights and everything else. Working on falling asleep for other people, they listen to meditation, they listen to or they read a mindset exercise, deep breathing. So think in terms of what sounds good to you. It doesn't need to look anything like mine. Another thing to consider is, is there any stressors in your sleep environment? Does the three loads of laundry in the laundry basket, does that bother you? Some people it bothers and other people they can sleep right through.
(15:11):
It's totally fine. If it's something that bothers you, then can we leave that laundry in a different room or even just outside the door so that your space is less cluttered and more calming. Another thing would be, is there a noise that's keeping you up? Oh, here's a big one. <laugh> happened to me last night. What about pets in the room? Does your dog sleep on the floor nearby? And if they wake up in the middle of the night, they like shake their collar and it wakes you up. Could you take the collar off before bed? Another one of my friends, we talked about sleep for months and months and months and she finally told me, she's like, I had to move the dog to the laundry room. It just wasn't working. I was waking up three times a night because I would hear the dog move or make noise or they would jump in the bed and wake me up and, and it was, it was getting to me.
(16:06):
So last night I went to bed early, but I forgot to close the door. And so in the middle of the night the cats appeared. And so that was a little bit of a sleep disruption for me. So the other thing is, what about shutting off your brain? Is that a struggle for you? Does it help at all to write in a journal or do a rage page? Does it help to record it and get it out of your head or make a list or does it help to write down one thing that happened that day that you're grateful for or one thing, one piece of joy? What about the light in your room? I recently have been using an eye mask, especially when I sleep in different places or if I wake up, say like 4:00 AM or something like that to go to the bathroom and I know my husband's getting up for work and turning on the light.
(17:07):
I'll put on my sleep mask when I get back in bed and then that really helps me sleep a little bit longer and not awaken when he does. So I'm asked what are my new favorite darkening shades? And even if you don't think that you need darkening curtains or you're just not sure, test it out with a dark sheet just thrown up over your window. Or even black trash bags. I know it's not pretty, but it, I'd rather you test it out and see if it impacts your sleep first and before you invest in blackout curtains. So thinking about your sleep in detail in those 10 minutes and just kind of jotting down and just being aware of things that might be disrupting you and getting in the way of your sleep. And even saying to yourself, I deserve good sleep. That helps you can talk to your friend.
(18:06):
All of that just helps you be more intentional and your brain starts to be more aware of little things that are challenging your sleep and you, you're like, Ooh, I need to not do that. Or, Ooh, here's a solution, I'm gonna try this tonight. And then really just giving yourself some grace and giving yourself some time to really think it through. So one takeaway from today is that I want you to know that as a parent, your child is looking to you to teach them the value of sleep, not the other way around. So I challenge you <laugh> to take 10 minutes and reflect on your sleep and at least write down three things you can do to work towards getting more sleep for yourself and to work towards valuing sleep in your house. You are the best person for the job. You are the best parent for the job. So let's take care of yourselves first. You deserve sleep and then we can get to work on the family. I hope you've enjoyed this episode and I can't wait to hear how you have transformed your own sleep and therefore helped your family get more rest. Take a picture of you listening to this podcast and let us know by tagging at sleep happy on social media. Thanks for listening and thanks for supporting us on our mission to lift up more moms and dads and help more families have good mornings.
(19:47):
I sure hope you left feeling encouraged. I loved hanging out with you today and I am so grateful you were here. If you would like more information about Sleep Happy, be sure to visit our website at sleephappyconsulting.com and sign up for our weekly emails. If you liked what you heard today, please share this podcast with your friends or your favorite parenting group. I can't wait to get to know you and learn more about how I can lift you up in the journey of parenting. Fulfilled families are our mission. I'm Jessica Bryant and this is The Good Mornings Podcast.
Jessica Bryant helps parents stop fighting sleep with their young children. She provides strategies to help babies sleep through the night, take naps, and stay healthy.
